P.S.

This is a P.S. to my last blog!!I forgot to say that I really, really am proud of Kelli for her determination to finish school and become a nurse. She is such a good Mom that I know that there are many times she would probably like to say the heck with this, I'm just going to quit and stay home!!

A Love Note To My Daughters

Well, I've got so many things running amok in my head that I don't know which one to write about! I really want to write about my daughters and how much they mean to me. This is already making me cry! I love them so much they will never know how much . I am so proud of them as grownups and moms. I'm proud of Brenna for trying to be understanding with me and for her being a good mom to those two precious boys that I don't see enough of and for being levelheaded [except for the Obama thing!} She may not tell me what I want to hear but I always know she'll tell me what she really thinks. I'm also proud of Brenna for trying to go back to school. I know that it's hard to make the decision and do it after you have been out of school for a while. I'm so proud of Kelli's strength In dealing with a sick husband and sick baby and a six year old starting "Big" school [First Grade] and for making such good grades in school, in spite of all that. I am so proud of Kelli for being willing to help me out almost at a moments notice. I'm proud of Erin for making the decision to put Bella in school {I know it's scary for her {Erin} with Bella's dairy allergy} I'm proud of Erin for knowing when things need to change and figuring out how to make the change.I'm proud of Erin for finding her niche. I never knew that animals would have anything to do with it, though!!! I understand that it's been hard to deal with me with the surgeries and my chronic pain. I know that these things have changed me and I am so sorry for it. I try hard to keep going and be as much a part of Brenna, Brady, Bowie, Kelli, Keelin, Kinsey, Erin and Bella's lives as distance and circumstances allow. I love the babies almost as much as their moms. Well, truthfully I love you all without condition. And why wasn't I in any of the zoo pics???? HA!

9-11

I was in Nashville yesterday and I did not hear or see anything to remind people that it was the 9-11 Anniversary. The only thing that I saw was the front page of USA Today. I didn't see any flags on buildings or anything out of the ordinary. It was very disappointing to me. That September morning has left a crystal clear picture in my mind of what we all should never forget. I heard the beginning of what took place that day from the mouth of a 4 year old. He walked into my classroom saying "Mrs. Fisk, did you know that an airplane crashed into a big tall building? " It was around 9 am. I asked Dalton "How do you know?" He told me that he and his Grandpa had heard it on their way to school. In the next few minutes another parent confirmed that had really happened and told us where. We had a radio at school and I was able to hear what happened next. I immediately thought of Rob and where he might be. I knew he was flying somewhere that day but I couldn't remember when and where. I frantically called his office and found out that he had not left for the airport yet. I was relieved. but he could not be convinced of what had happened and insisted that he was still going to fly out on his business trip. I remember feeling so frustrated. I couldn't talk very long as I had a classroom of 4 year olds waiting on me. I then thought of Kelli. Kelli had just moved to Baltimore and was 7 mo. pregnant with Keelin. And then Erin and Joe.Panic set in as I was thinking that I had to find out where my chicks were. I can always rely on Brenna to be calm and talk with sense so I went back to the office to call her and have her call her Dad and exlain what had happened and to make sure Kelli was Ok and that Erin and Joe had not been on a plane yet,because they were supposed to fly out of Dulles that day. I was afraid that maybe they had tried to come home early that day. Brenna had not heard what had happened. I told her to turn on the tv but they had just moved and the tv was not hooked up yet so she turned on the radio . She was shocked but agreed to make those calls to her Dad and sisters and then let me know if they were all accounted for. When she called back I was so relieved that my chicks were ok[ Brenna included]and also that she would be at home when I finally was able to get there.I wanted to go home so bad and be there with her but our director thought it best for the children if we just continued business as usual. I remember hearing on the school radio at one point that planes were falling out of the sky and that the New York skyline was completely gone and burning. That day, I had one parent come to pick her child up early.That was the last time that I saw that child and her mother. Her mother called back and said that she could not bear to have her child somewhere that she couldn't get to in a few minutes. I completely understood. My children were grown but I wanted them near me in case something like this happened again. I could hardly stand that Kelli was living so far away and I wanted Erin and Joe home that minute. I wanted them in front of my eyes so that I could see that they continued to be all right. I didn't believe that having 4 planes crashed and all those people killed was the end for the terrorists. I was waiting for the other to shoe to fall then and I still believe that it will sometime.

Birthdays

Kelli, my second daughter just had her 31st birthday yesterday. Birthdays or birth days are really important to Mothers. I'm sure that I am not that the only mother that gets a little nostalgic when celebrating one of her children's birthdays. I say to my daughter{whichever one is the birthday girl} "I remember what I was doing{ however many years old they are} today!" I don"t think they really enjoy my reminiscing anymore and I get the feeling that at least one or more is sick of hearing my stories of things that have happened to her Dad and I. That makes me sad because I think family history is so important, but maybe it is only important to me at this time. I am going to tell a little of the story! Anyway, I love thinking about my daughter's birthdays. In Kelli's birth story I always think back to the years before she was born. We had been trying for a while to have another baby, but no success, so on I went to fertility doctors and went through all those unpleasant tests and the emotional roller coaster of doing all this and still not getting pregnant. Finally after tests and more tests I was told that we would not be having anymore children and that I was the reason . After that, I gave up. I stopped the fertility drugs and the trips to the Dr.s. I just couldn't believe it-we had Brenna and I had never considered the idea that there would not be other babies. So, I was sad for about 3 months and then I had another thought.........Maybe......the Dr.s weren't right? Thirty-one years and six months ago you couldn't just go to the store and get a pregnancy test, you had to go to the Dr. and pee in a cup and then go home and wait. I didn't have much hope because I had tricked myself into thinking I was pregnant so many times before and had taken a test each one of those times and they all had turned out negative. But to my big surprise this one was positive! I was so excited and Rob was too, even though he was afraid to believe that we were going to have a baby until he could actually see it! That night I ended up in the hospital having been diagnosed with a cyst the size of a grapefruit on an ovary. I had been in pain all day but had told myself it was because I was nervous about the pregnancy test. Even though I threw up for the next six months and thought that I might die of a heatstroke being pregnant and suffering through an Oklahoma summer, I was thrilled to be having another baby! The day before I was to go into the hospital to have a c-section, I was a nervous wreck. I tried to make some food ahead of time that Brenna and Rob could have while I was in the hospital-I burned everything to a crisp-all inedible! We didn't know if we were having a Kasey, Kelli or a Patrick but it didn't matter to us. Kelli Lynn arrived September 7th in early morning. We were thrilled! She was so beautiful! I am so happy to have had this precious infant, adorable toddler, sesitive child, crazy teenager, wild young woman and now a good Mom to 2 precious girls for these past 31 years. I can't imagine my life if those Dr.s had been right with their diagnosis.